Anne (with an 'e') and Me

Once there was a girl named Anne, who was not a boy, and this was a real problem for the people who wanted to adopt a boy but got her instead. So they made a plan to send her back to the orphanage. This upset Anne and she said, to her would-be-adoptive-mother Marilla, "I can't eat! I never can when I'm in the depths of despair!"

Lately I have been feeling like I'm slipping into the depths of despair. Certainly, life is not as bad for me as it was for Anne. I'm not being returned, unloved and unwanted, to an orphanage. The problem is that I can't come up with an easily identifiable reason to explain it all away, in fact I think that it is oh so many little reasons that have just piled up....

I'm heartbroken and angry over the struggles my friends are going through. And completely frustrated over my inability to do anything to help. I'm jealous of some people...but I don't want to be jealous. So I'm also tired all the time from trying to not be jealous (which doesn't really work because I'm still fairly jealous). I feel cranky, but I can't be cranky because I am a preschool teacher and under "job description" the 2nd bullet down says "Cannot Be Cranky." So I spend all day not being cranky with my cute preschoolers (of course it's not their fault) and then, inevitably, all my crankyness explodes all over some innocent (if rather annoying) person that I encounter later in the day. I am entirely out of patience for winter...enough with the cold, precipitation, disgusting air quality and piles of black snow everywhere (people think snow is pretty....this is not always true.) I'm bugged because 2 weeks after my foot injury, my foot is still swollen and bruised and won't fit in my cute boots (yep...still whining about it). I'm stressed about doing my taxes. I hate doing my taxes. I'm sickened by the gray hair I found and plucked out (I AM ONLY 29 YEARS OLD FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!!!) And also...I'm infuriated that when I'm in the depths of despair I, unlike Anne, want to eat fries and chocolate all day long.

At this point you might be thinking, "That Dawn needs a reality check. She has a pretty great life." Or possibly, "Snap out of it!" And you would be right...I do have a really great life and I know that I am so very lucky to have all the things I have! And I'm trying to "snap" out of it....but how?

Our friend Anne perked right up when she met Gilbert (typical) and spent the next several years flirting with him before he proposed marriage and a future full of diamonds....this is not the solution I'm looking for. But I am looking for a solution....maybe that also lies in all the small things. Playing with Pratt, James and Emma. Going to a movie with friends. Eating In-n-Out cheese fries and chocolate shakes (in moderation). Reading. Planning trips out of Utah (watch out denver and boston!). Watching my huge pile of favorite movies. Buying a new dress. Having a few valentine's day parties in preschool. Blogging my issues for all the world to read and judge. Laughing...talking...and sometimes crying it all out with Tera. I'm already feeling better....

In case you don't know (and shame on you!) Anne never did have to go back to that orphanage and she did marry Gilbert.