Happy Birthday To Me!

I know that you are all extremely faithful readers of my amazing blog....and being such you will know that in the past I have been "less than excited" to get older. (and by "less than excited" of course I mean "completely depressed and hateful of everyone and everything.") But not this year! I do realize that I am older today but I just don't care! Seriously. I couldn't be happier about being 29 today. So when I had this conversation I did not burst into tears and consider getting Botox....I just laughed. Out loud. And my class thought I was nuts.

Little Boy: "Tomorrow is your birthday?"
Me: "That's right."
Little Girl #1: "How old are you gonna be?"
Me: "29."
Little Girl #2: "That's old."
Little Boy: "Are you gonna die?"
Me: "Do you think I am going to die?"
90% of the class nodded
Me: "Why?"
Little Girl #1: "Cause you are SO OLD!"
Little Girl #2: "Who is gonna be our teacher when you die?"
Me: (through the laughter and trying to scrawl this on a sticky note) "I am NOT dying. So I will continue to be your teacher."
Little Girl #3: "Ok." (said in complete disbelief with a look on her face that clearly said I was delusional.)
Won't they be surprised to see me tomorrow morning....alive and SO OLD!!

Random Comments

Two random comments that made me laugh today:

Little Girl: "Miss Dawn, I saw a Jesus play."
Me: "Oh really?"
Little Girl: "Yeah it was about Jesus."

And a different child
Little Girl: "Are we having apple juice for snack?"
Me: "Yes."
Little Girl: "Oh good. My mom says I can only drink apple juice today."
Me: "Oh really?"
Little Girl: "That's because my poop is really hard."

Seriously...what an awesome day.

Gratitude

Over the last couple days I have (obviously) been thinking about things that I am grateful for....and here is what I decided. It is super easy to be grateful for things you already have. Duh. So instead I decided to make a list of things I KNOW I would be thankful for IF I had them:

*A car that never needs to have anything worked on.
*A magical credit card...magic because the balance is magically paid off every month by not me.
*A Disney cruise vacation (I know I'm a grown up but seriously they look like SO much fun!)
*The ability to say no...even just sometimes.
*Good AND cheap health insurance.
*A laundry fairy.
*An extra day every week that is just for laying in bed/reading/eating chocolates (and none of the food you ate that day would count)

Well, now I've made you all feel bad about yourself because I really stepped up and was grateful for things I don't even have while you were just sitting around being grateful for your family. Sorry. (I of course mean "sorry that you are lame and I am amazing...but there is really nothing I can do about it.")

Happy Thanksgiving

I sure don't know....

Today I had the following conversation with one of my 4 year-old students:

Little Girl: "Does your husband know when my birthday is?" (maybe just a little ego-centric...)

Me: "I don't have a husband."

Little Girl: "YOU DON'T!!" (thanks for the surprise in your voice...i think?)

Me: "Nope." (wanting to add that most days I'm not even sure I want one....and I'm sure I don't need one...but what good would that really do)

Little Girl: "But WHO is gonna marry YOU?!?" (now I'm definitely insulted)

Me: "That is a really good question, I sure don't know." (I kept the swears out of my response which took a great deal of self-control.)

Just when I feel like a valuable member of society in spite of my single/motherless status, along comes somebody else to remind me that I live in Utah County and therefore am far too old to live such a non-conformist lifestyle.

Except Cows?

You may or may not know that I am a vegetarian (yes really.) but the other day I heard a couple of little girls talking and I was very surprised to hear this from a 5 year old....

Little Girl #1: "I like animals."

Little Girl #2: "Me too. Did you know that animals have to die for us to eat them?"

Little Girl #1: "What?"

Little Girl #2: "Yeah. That is why I don't like to eat animals. It is gross."

Little Girl #1: "What?"

Little Girl #2: "Except cows....I eat cows."

The other little girl was very confused about this conversation (that seemed to be going on whether she contributed or not) and I was just laughing while I tried to write the whole thing down.

Back at School

If you read my very last post then you know I was sick and stuck at home for a solid week. Boring. I have really enjoyed being back at school since the sick days. Just a couple funny things:

(Jill this one is for you)
Little Boy: "Hey Miss Dawn! Did you know Michael Jackson had a heart attack?!"

Me: tried to respond but this was difficult due to my laughter (which was because of the randomness of the comment and because of my friend Jill) I was finally able to say "Yeah, actually I think I did hear that..."
Meanwhile all the other kids just stared at me like I was a crazy person...but I don't blame them.

Another day there was a little boy who I believe learned a new term and was practicing it...a lot.

"Come on Ladies, let's go play at the blocks!"
"Ladies! It's time for snack!"
"Where are the ladies?"
"Ladies watch out for the crocodiles!" (they were pretend crocodiles...just in case you couldn't figure it out.)

Did he watch a "Ladies Man" sketch from classic SNL? Seriously where does a 3 year old learn the term and understand the appropriate use?

I love those kids...it is only a couple months into school and already I love them all so much! They make me laugh, they make me think, they make me very tired, but I wouldn't trade it for anything!

Swine Flu.

I got it. I got the stupid swine flu. I was not happy. I am beginning to wonder what horrible karmic offense I committed to deserve my un-lucky fate....I can't think of anything bad enough. I came down with my symptoms on Saturday night, I felt sick but not the sickest ever. So I figured I would either have a fairly easy go of it OR I would get worse before I got better. And that is exactly what happened.

For 72 hours I alternated Tylenol and Advil, taking something every 3 hours. Also, being the slightly crazy person that I am, I also religiously took my temperature every hour. (If there had been a paper and pen handy...I definitely would have tracked my hourly temperature readings but alas there was not.) My fever hovered between 100.0 and 101.7 (the highest point) for 3 days straight. Then a day and a half after my initial symptoms, I added nausea and vomiting as well as rattling breath to my list of symptoms. Awesome. I was grateful that Lindsay was nice enough to get me the sprite that I desperately needed to help with my nausea (she left it on my doorstep and then called to tell me it was there!)

I remember lying on the couch and watching the clock for literally an hour and the whole time I was thinking, "man, time is moving really, really slowly." All I really wanted was for someone else to do everything for me but it turns out I am a grown up so I should do it for myself AND no one wanted to be within a 20 feet of me (except Tera who somehow braved living with me and listened to me whine and cry...thanks Tera.)

After a few days my fever finally broke, and at some point after that I stopped obsessively taking my temperature every hour (which I felt was the real turning point for me.) I am now a week past my first symptoms and 3 1/2 days past my fever so I can say with confidence that I am no longer contagious! :) The undeniable proof of my non-contagious-ness is that my mom will actually be in the same room with me and even hug me again! YAY!

I am SO glad that it is over. Oh. I've also put away the thermometer.

Procrastination

I am a procrastinator. I will always put off everything until the last possible minute, always. The other night I headed home with my trusty plan book, brand new mechanical pencil, and a fresh stack of post-its with the good intention of planning multiple weeks of preschool. This did not happen. Instead I covered the back of my plan book with my orange post-its then proceeded to make a crossword puzzle that included the names of everyone in my Washburn side extended family. I mean everyone. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, cousin-in-laws, nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews.

After the hour or so that I spent working on my little project (while watching TV) I looked at my plan book and thought, "Seriously Dawn? Seriously!" So I took this picture then I ripped off the post-its and threw them away. I still didn't do any preschool planning.

"Dreaming"

When I woke up this morning I was surprised to find myself dressed. Yes. Dressed. I was not wearing the cozy pajamas I had put on before climbing into my bed. Not anymore. I was wearing an entire outfit (layers of shirts, bra, socks, jeans and all). I had set out my clothes the night before (because I had to make sure I had clean ones...not because I am crazy) and when I woke up I was wearing them. The problem is that I don't actually remember getting dressed.
As the day progressed I began to slowly remember fragments of a "dream" I had last night. I remember "dreaming" that I was afraid that there would be some sort of catastrophe, like a fire or an earthquake or something, while I slept. (You know the kind of thing where you run outside in whatever you are wearing and you're screaming, and all your random neighbors are doing the same thing.) And so in my "dream" I put on some clothes so I would bot be embarrassed about running outside in the early hours of the morning in only my pajamas.
This is kinda creepy. But even creepier is that this is not the first weird experience like this in recent history.
About a week ago I "dreamed" that there was a giant spider on my ceiling and I was not okay with that so I jumped out of bed and screamed at someone else to "check it." (I'm not sure who I was talking to or what "checking it" was going to accomplish....) then I carefully wrapped a blanket tightly around me because, obviously, it would protect me from the giant spider. The next morning I awoke tightly tangled up in my blanket and very confused (as I usually cannot sleep if I am tucked in tightly) and while talking to Tera realized that I had actually screamed during the night (oops...sorry.)
A month or so ago I "dreamed" that a colony (or is it a school) of spiders was using my blanket , a corner of which was dangling off my bed, as a means to climb up into my bed and climb all over me (shiver of grossness). I threw the blanket, all 3 of my pillows, and another blanket (all of which I feared were spider contaminated) as far away from the bed as possible, then promptly shook out my hair over the side of the bed, you know just to make sure there weren't any stray spiders in there. At some later point I woke up uncomfortable and cold. Because my neck was bent at a strange angle with my head half hanging off the bed, and all my pillows and blankets were in a heap on the floor.
I really don't know what to make of these "episodes." Should I see a therapist... because I clearly have fear issues? Or a sleep specialist....because I clearly have sleep issues? Or maybe even a sales person at Best Buy....because clearly if I filmed my self during the sleeping hours it would be amusing to watch during the waking hours.

Help.

Big Trouble

We are now 3 weeks into preschool and I have obviously spent a lot of time talking about the importance of listening to Miss Dawn (my favorite and all inclusive rule!) I felt that my message was clear and that I was getting said message through....but now I don't know. This is the picture a little girl drew last week....

(the spider is top center and the 'people' is bottom left corner)

In case you can't read what she told me it goes a little like this:

"It's a big spider and he's going to try to eat that people; 'cause she is not listening to Miss Dawn." About the item in the bottom right corner she told me; "It's a big ball of web stuff to catch the people."

Apparently I need to go back to the drawing board to find a new way to deliver my message, ideally one where the kids don't hear "listen to Miss Dawn or get eaten by a big spider" when I talk.

So Big

I think one of my favorite things about preschool is when these little 4 year-olds say something so grownup....

Little Girl: "Um, that's awkward!" (said to her friend as they played)
Miss Dawn: "What is awkward?"
Little Girl: "I don't know."
Miss Dawn: "Well, what does 'awkward' mean?"
Little Girl: "So, when I accidentally punched my friend in the face...that was awkward."
Miss Dawn: "Good to know. By the way...how do you accidentally punch someone in the face?"
Little Girl: No Answer. Turns back to playing.

Little Boy: "That is RIDICULOUS!" (said to a friend at snack time)
Miss Dawn: "What does ridiculous mean?"
Little Boy: "It means what that's what my dad says when you hit your brother."
Miss Dawn: "Well, I guess we probably shouldn't hit our brothers."
Little Boy: "I guess." (very non-committal)

I had just read the class a poem called "I'm Glad I'm Me."

Little Girl: "I mean, I'm glad that I am me....but I would be OK if I was one of those girls who gets out of cars."
Miss Dawn: "What? What girls are you talking about?"
Little Girl: "Oh you know! The ones who get out of the back of those cars."
Miss Dawn: (magical moment of understanding) "Do you mean famous/rich girls who get out of Limos?"
Little Girl: "Yeah! I remember that's what they are called. And those girls always wear pretty clothes."
Miss Dawn: "I must say that I too would be 'OK' if I was one of 'those girls'."

My New Job

During some recent self-reflection time about what talents I do have (not many) and what talents I don't have (quite numerous) I had a personal realization....I have a talent that I am sadly wasting. I am, of course, referring to my incredible skills of rationalization! I do believe that I was born with a natural inclination towards rationalizing, but I have spent countless hours practicing and honing my skills. So naturally, I began to wonder how best to more fully utilize my talents.....and (drum roll please) I am now offering my services as a "personal-rationalization-coach!"

Don't want to go to your in-laws family party but think you might "offend" someone? Call me.
Want to watch your favorite guilty pleasure but worry that it is "inappropriate"? Call me.
Don't want to clean your house but feel like others will call you"lazy"? Call me.
Want to buy a shirt but you think you "can't afford" it? Call me.
Don't want to let go of that grudge but feel it is beginning to "ruin" your life? Call me.

With my toolbox of emotional skills including; imagined feelings, sense of entitlement, anger, denial, projection and self-righteousness, I will be able to talk you down from the metaphorical ledge of making a "good" choice.

Want proof that I am as good as I claim...just know that as I type I can count at least 16 things I should be doing but I'm not! And do I feel guilty about it? Absolutely not!

This skill-set and coaching does not come cheap, in fact it is very, very expensive....but it will be worth it when you wear that new shirt to a girl's night out while your husband takes the kids to his family party and the newly hired housekeeper scrubs the toilet.

Back-To-School Season

I love "Back-To-School" Season! I love the smell of crayons and paper. I love the freshness of it all. I love the excuse to buy new clothes and shoes. I love settling back into a routine. I love all my favorite TV shows coming back. I love how "my" kids still find my jokes funny. I LOVE hearing the funny things the kids say! Please to enjoy:

Little Girl: Upon arriving the first day and seeing the other kids in class she pointed to a little boy and said, "I hate him." (What? You just saw him!!)

Little Boy: "Can we have pan fried noodles for snack today?...No?...Can we have them tomorrow?"

Little Boy: "Why do you have a upstairs?"
Miss Dawn: "Because I have to have a place to eat dinner and go to bed?"
Little Boy: "Why?"
Miss Dawn: "Because I don't live in here."
Little Boy: "Um....I think you do."

Little Girl: "OOH! Miss Dawn, I just want to keep you forever!"

Where Have I Been?

I realize it has been a VERY long time since I posted anything....in fact I am now officially overwhelmed by all the things I have done this summer that I didn't blog about (yet)! I have had a super fun summer vacation....here are the highlights:

*Playing "Killer Bunnies" with Jill and George....and staying up til 3:00 am talking with Jill.

*4th of July spent: making a flag out of cupcakes; eating BBQ food; watching the fireworks; joking (and maybe just a little gossiping) with Taylor Cousins!

*Lots! of laughing with Jill and Robi at the Gateway....and yummy Haagendaz Ice Cream (but we missed Sara...the other 1/4 of our roommate reunion)

*Spending lots of quality time with a large portion of the Washburn Clan in Monticello.....with the compulsory card playing of course.

*Craig and Dayna becoming Mr. and Mrs. Michael Craig Taylor.

*Back to Monticello for more quality time with Grandma and Grandpa with an added bonus of seeing Uncle Reid as the King of Siam.

*Vegas road trip with Donna, seeing The Lion King at Mandalay Bay and eating LOTS of yummy food! (Chocolate Coconut Cheesecake....Frozen Hot Chocolate....In and Out....Deep Fried Cheese....Cupcakes in flavors including Lemon and Blueberry and Chocolate and Cinnamon and Peanut Butter and Mint and...OH MY!)

*Not quite enough time spent with Emma, Pratt and James....but we did manage to get to the farm, the aquarium, mini golfing, the park and grandma's house (to name a few).

*Oh yeah...and throw in teaching some summer camps and getting ready for preschool to start again!

now what? sleep....because I'm very tired.

My Blog

We all know I have a great blog because I've got all the makings for a great blog:

Cute background? Check.
Link to the best preschool in Utah? Check.
Colored text? Check.
Amusing anecdotes? Check
List of other people's blogs? Check.
Abundant sarcasm? Check.
No ads? Check.
Links to blogs about food? Check.
Witty writing? Check.

So lookin' around here you'd think, "gee, she's got everything!" But for quite some time I have felt like it is missing something.....something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Until now. I need to en-cute-ify my blog...and there is really only one way to do that. That is why I have created the following ad:

Blogger Seeking:
2 or 3 adorable children whose pictures I can use on my blog and basically pretend to own.

Requirements:
cute (preferably with blond or red hair, blue eyes, and freckles)
ages 4 and under (gotta keep it realistic)
preferably 2 girls and a boy or 3 girls
twins are a plus
a bunch of pictures of them at various locations and times...so that I don't have to do that stuff
the "rights" to "name" them whatever I want and create entire lives for them that have little or nothing to do with their real lives.

Pay: I'm a teacher so.....there really won't be any pay.

If you're interested give me a call and I will set up a time for your kids to come take the test photos and IQ test.

Summer Livin'

With two weeks of no school under my belt I am now fully entrenched in my summer vacation! It is definitely good times but so different from my regular life. These days.....

I get to sleep in instead of groaning at the alarm at the unholy hour of 8:00 am

No one asks to sit on my lap

I can go for a walk or bike ride on the river trail whenever I feel like it (although now it is really getting too hot to spend any prolonged period of time away from air conditioning)

I am finding it difficult to remember what day of the week it is

I am doing a lot less sweeping

I am eating actual food for breakfast instead of chugging a couple diet cokes before 9:00 am

I find myself not saying my "favorite" phrases..."Did you flush?" and "Did you wash your hands?" (I feel fairly confident that I can trust Tera)

I have found that TV during the day is mostly pretty boring

I don't have built-in snack times to eat my string cheese

And probably my two favorite things about summer vacation...
I don't have to wipe anyone else's bum!
I am free to spend hours on end in my pajamas!

Oh The Otter Pop!

I am confident that I have previously shared my love of otter pops with all of you, my faithful readers, but how can I embark upon the summer months without a tribute to my most beloved treat?! Obviously I can't....so I have compiled the following list:

Things To Love About Otter Pops:

-They are cold
-Not a single "bad" flavor in the box
-They aren't a dead animal
-You can eat all six flavors in one sitting....and you've still only consumed 90 calories
-There are regular flavors....
-And there are "tropical" flavors
-A "bulk" box is available at Costco
-At their most expensive you can still buy 100 of them for only $3.50
-"Gelatin" is not on the ingredients list

I hope all of you will enjoy some otter pops this summer.....just not any that come out of my freezer.

Stolen Story

So if you haven't read Tera's latest blog post about The Intruder(s)......you must read it! It is super funny but there are a couple of things Tera left out:

1. my over use of swears during this incident....I mostly screamed but I did manage to squeeze in a few choice words. Tera claims she "didn't even hear any swear words" but I don't believe her!

2. how hard Tera was laughing while she typed that post. She just kept laughing.....and then I would start laughing at her......and then she would laugh more. It was definitely worth it to hear that gross-bug-smashing-noise for the laughter later on!

Mother's Day

As a child I remember thinking that my mom was sort of weird. It was strange to me that she would take care of the yuckiest things (like cleaning up throw-up or mopping up after the toilet overflowed or even just scrubbing the toilet on a weekly basis) and wouldn't even complain. I could not understand how she could do those things without throwing up herself or crying (the two things I would do if asked to do any yucky jobs as a 'child'). Of course at some point I realized she actually had very little choice in the matter....if she didn't do it no one would.

I love my mom so much for doing all those yucky things, and everything else (which seem far too numerous to name) and mostly for loving me for me. She is an amazing person who I look up to and want to be like someday when I have my own children. So I work at doing the yucky jobs....I do scrub my toilet weekly (although I admit it is with a long-handled toilet brush and gloves!) I even cleaned up someone's (not my) throw-up not too long ago (with only 20 or so personal-throw-up-close-calls!) However, I do want to make it clear that although I do those things....I will happily let anyone else do them for me!

And today I want to wish my mom a Happy Mother's Day! I know she hates any kind of recognition but she deserves it......and I think there were just enough throw-up references to keep this from being overly sentimental! I love you mom!

DIY?

Recently I decided that it would be a good idea to switch out my regular shower head to one of those ones that is detachable and has all the different settings. Easy right? Totally. I headed out to the local Target and spent 20 minutes trying to make the best choice...it was rough.....but I made it through and headed home with my shiny new shower head.

Then a couple of nights later it was time and I began to attempt my "do it yourself" project. I snooped around and found Tera's tools and then selected what I was fairly certain would be an appropriate shower-head-changing-implement. So I climbed onto the sides of the tub to give myself a better view and little more leverage. I "opened" the wrench and positioned it onto the shower head (which conveniently had these little flat parts which I, correctly, assumed were for the wrench.). Then I tried to turn it. I tried to turn it some more. But I soon discovered that whoever put it together in the first place was obviously some sort of super-human. I was getting no where in trying to loosen this thing....but I kept at it.


That is until I began to have these images of me standing there and breaking off the whole pipe thing, where upon gallons of water would gush from the wall knocking me down, thus causing me to hit my head on the tub and make me loose consciousness and then Tera would come home to a flooded house and me still unconscious in the bathroom. I did not think this sounded like a good idea.


So I immediately stopped and called my dad. I know he is handy and figured maybe he could help reassure me that I wasn't going to break anything or end up in the hospital as well as maybe give me a few pointers on getting this project done. (My friend Jill later asked me how I thought my dad was going to be able to "walk me through being stronger over the phone"....valid point Jill!)

One of the first questions I asked my dad was if I needed to turn off the water for this type of project (I am NOT handy and kept having gushing-water visions so I was beginning to doubt myself). He was quiet for a long time and then asked in that gentle I-must-be-dealing-with-the-dumbest -person-ever-voice "do you mean in the shower?" No! What was I multi-tasking? I was not showering and trying to do a little bathroom update at the same time. I explained that I meant all the water to the whole house (not that I actually would know how to turn that off anyway.)

I then went on to try to describe to my dad that there was some white stuff on the ridge-y part of the pipe-y thing where the shower-head part twisted on. I mistakenly assumed the white stuff was caulk (I do know that is some sort of sealer stuff). At this point my dad gave up and told me he would be over later that night to help me. Now I really did NOT intend on my dad coming to do the job for me, but.......well I didn't exactly cry about letting someone else do it.

And, as it turns out, the white stuff was not caulk but some sort of required tape that I didn't have anyway (but my dad did), and that I am a the weakest person on the planet because it took my dad ten whole minutes to complete the project (white tape stuff and all!) So Thanks Tons! to my dad for his help....and now I am going to look for a bow-flex on e-bay.

True Love

One of my preschool moms shared this story with me about her adorable little boy. He is one of those kids that can just smile at you, with his eyes all crinkled up, and you seem to forget that he was climbing on the play kitchen! Since she told me I figured she wouldn't mind my sharing it here....

While tucking him into bed his mom said, "Goodnight, I love you."

He responded, "I love Miss Dawn."

I laughed so hard when she told me! It seems like I can get every 3-5 year old boy in the world to fall head over heels for me....but I don't have the same effect on the 33-35 year-olds!

Innocence

Today I noticed a little girl had written her name on a table (where she had just been sitting) and when I asked her about it....

Miss Dawn: "Did you write on my table?"

Little Girl: "No."

Miss Dawn: "Are you sure? Please tell me the truth."

Little Girl: "No."

Miss Dawn: "Um...it says your name, are you saying that someone ELSE wrote YOUR name on the table?"

Little Girl: "Yes."

Miss Dawn: Sigh....

(Of course we had a nice little talk about respecting property and not telling lies. Just another Monday.)

Last week I overheard the following conversation:

Little Girl: "I am going to marry you."

Little Boy: "What?!"

Little Girl: "When we grow up, I am going to marry you."

Little Boy: "Why?"

Little Girl: "Because I want to."

Little Boy: "I don't think I will marry you."

Little Girl: "You will. When you grow up you will change your mind. I know."

Little Boy: Gave her a look that clearly said, "I'm not nearly as sure as you are....but I think I will just let this go for now."

Oh the innocence of youth.....to actually think that all ones hopes and dreams will come true, and better yet, in precisely the way you imagined they would. (Oh and to think you can get away with scrawling your name all over a piece of furniture without getting caught!)

'TREATS'

If you know me....you know I have a sweet tooth. I came by it honestly, I have "washburn" stamped in big chocolate brown letters all over my DNA. It is a battle I am never going to win (partly because it is a battle I am never going to start!)

Wouldn't it be great if there were an awards show for holiday candy? I like to think it would be called 'The Real Enjoyable Award Treat Show' or the 'TREATS' (for those of us in the know.)

I think one of the closest races would be in the "Best Holiday Shaped Reese's' Peanut Butter Cup" category. I mean you've got Hearts at Valentine's Day, and Eggs at Easter, Pumpkins at Halloween and Christmas Trees at Christmas! Honestly, I don't know how the judges make that call.....

And the biggest award (which the producers predictably save for the VERY end of the show so that you will watch the whole production, including the poorly executed Snickers and Milky Way musical number) would be "The Very Best Ever Holiday and/or Seasonal Candy in The World." And "Easter Candy Items" would take home the "treats-ey" for that without a doubt!

And I applaud you, Easter Candy, for your outstanding commitment to taste, and chocolate, and holiday enthusiasm, and color presentation! Congratulations on your well deserved win!!

Bad Dream

The other night I woke up from a bad dream in a sweat, my heart was racing, and I couldn't catch my breath. What, you might ask, was this terrible dream. What dream could be so awful that it woke me (a well-known deep sleeper) at 2:00 am in full panic mode?

I will tell you but I must warn you...some material may be inappropriate for children under 13

I dreamed that my hair would NOT grow! It was the year 2012 and my hair was exactly the same length as it is now. It was desperately disturbing.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I can forget to go to sleep when I am reading.

Sometimes I go to the grocery store just to read ingredient lists on food (right now I'm on the lookout for gelatin).

Sometimes I burst into tears when I am singing along with "For Good" from Wicked.

Sometimes I wonder how it is that the weirdest people I meet are married...maybe I am just too picky.

Sometimes I can sleep for more than 10 hours straight.

Sometimes I write out my budget like 20 times in a week (not that it helps me stick to it!).

Sometimes I forget how good my life is.

Sometimes I write blog posts and then end up deleting them....but not this one I guess.

Friendship

During preschool we usually take a few minutes to stretch our muscles and breathe deep (especially when any one of us needs to calm down!). This is what happened one recent afternoon during stretching time:

Miss Dawn, "Put your legs out straight then reach way down and grab your toes."

One little boy complained, "Miss Dawn! I can't grab my toes, I can't even touch my toes!"

His friend who was sitting next to him immideatly thought of a solution, "I will touch them for you!" And he reached over and grabbed onto his friend's toes.

The first little boy grinned, "Thanks for your help!"

What thoughtful little boys!

Safari Soap Opera

This last week we have had some zoo/safari animals in the block center. The kids did the obvious roaring, fighting, and eating each other for the first couple days but today they took it to a whole new level:

"Giraffe, you are my mom." (said by Hippo...adoptive mom?)

"Yeah, I am your mom, Baby Hippo."

"You are my best friend Zebra, you can come to my birthday party by the water."

These parameters were expressed and accepted by all.....and happy playing ensued, well at least for a few minutes. I'm not sure exactly what happened....

"I don't like you Zebra! We are NOT friends!"

"Baby Hippo, be nice to your friend." (Mama Giraffe scolds)

"You are NOT my mom anymore. You are Zebra's mom."

"I don't want to be your mom or your friend!!" (Mama giraffe exclaims in frustration)

"You guys can't come to my birthday party by the water anymore."

Zebra charges and bites..Hippo's death is finalized after a few moments of ripping and roaring noises.

All they needed was for the Hippo to come back to life as Elephant and live among them for a few years before revealing his true identity, and only because his Cheetah sister (a biological twin) is in desperate need of a kidney transplant and he is the only match. Or maybe the Lion (who we all thought was a male) could announce that he was really a she and that she was the actual mother to this unlikely family. (Of course this is possible because at the time she gave birth to the Hippo and Cheetah twins she was an unfit mother and the state took them away and gave them to her sister, the Giraffe.....but the real twist is that Lion and Giraffe are not related at all!!) Zebra has also recently escaped from maximum security anger rehab...for "killing" Hippo.

Then it would have been the perfect day on "The Days of Our Safari!" (Oh wait...there should probably be some sort of wedding, maybe between Crocodile and Gazelle....an unlikely match to be sure, but now you are hooked!)

You should also know that I had a really hard time trying to decide on a name for this post because the options seemed so endless: "Days of Our Safari," "As The Safari Turns," "One Safari To Live,"...I guess I am quite un-original.

Secrets

This afternoon in preschool this was the snack time conversation:

Little Girl: "You know what?"

Little Boy: "What?"

Little Girl: "When my daddy really has to go to the bathroom he is in there for a really loooong time."

Little Boy: "Yeah, my dad is like that too. When he goes in there he stays there for like fifty-one-hundred hours."

At this point some of the others children chimed in with commentary on their own father's bathroom rituals;

Girl: "When my dad goes in we have to go use the other bathroom, downstairs," her voice full of annoyance at this inconvenience.

Boy: "My dad always takes a book," his voice tinged with confusion

Boy: "My dad is SO slow in the bathroom..." his voice trailed off leaving the unsaid "I don't know why he is so dumb" hanging in the air.

I did consider intervening to change the topic of conversation, I mean they were eating snack for heaven's sake! But it was just too funny to hear them and they didn't seem to care. There is just something about a 4-year-old spilling family "secrets" that makes my day.

Spring....

Today I looked out the preschool window to look at the giant pile of snow that refuses to melt from the back corner of the yard. (This is actually a little bit of a ritual...I look at it and I curse it silently in my head). But as I stared and cursed I saw something new....

A slightly darker green strip of grass! I could not believe my eyes so I quickly scanned the rest of the yard for more and amazingly the entire perimeter of my back yard is surrounded by a green-ish border of grass!!

All this did was make me want more...

My pedicured toes are practically begging to wiggle freely in brightly colored flip-flops

My skin needs to be more freckled by the overwhelmingly hot sun of summer

My eyes look forward to being hidden behind giant sunglasses all day long

My ears long to hear the laughter of kids playing in the street in the afternoon

My taste buds are impatient to eat otter pops and snow cones

I officially need it to be spring....

Better

Just A Few Of The Things My Cousin/Roommate Tera Does Better Than Me:

*Bake Muffins
*Get up on time
*Work on projects while I sit lazily and watch TV
*Make Lasagna (without meat I might add!)
*Be nice to people
*Support me when I have a mini (or not so mini) breakdown over bingo cards
*Floss regularly
*Drink Water
*Make her bed EVERY day!
*Plan an actual meal (like side dishes and stuff) on her nights to cook.
*Help her family and friends
*Be an amazing friend and cousin and roommate to me!!

I love living with Tera because since she is so much better at all these things than me...I can be a slacker!!

Why Be a Preschool Teacher?

On Wednesday night I was talking to one of my preshcool moms about the Valentine's Day party her little girl would be attending the next day (Thursday). We were going over the names of kids in the class and talking about what we would be doing during the party when I heard very loud crying in the backgroud coming from the little girl in my class:

Preschool Mom: "Oh, she is so upset. She really wants to say hi to you. Is that okay?"

Me: "Of course!"

Little Girl: Sobbing....sobbing...sobbing

Me: "Sweetie, what's the matter?"

Little Girl: "I (sob) just (sob) miss (sob) you (sob) so (sob) much (sob)!"

Me: "Oh it's alright! Don't be sad....remember I will see you right after breakfast tomorrow."

Little Girl: "Ok (gulp) Miss Dawn. I love you!"

Me: "I love you too. See you tomorrow."

It was so sad but so very cute and as I tried to fall asleep last night I couldn't help but thinking how glad I am to be a preschool teacher. :)

Are You Smarter Than A Preschooler?

Yesterday I had the following exchange with a very sweet little boy (although this particular moment probably could not be classified as sweet.....)

Little Boy: "Miss Dawn, ah you smaht?"
(He doesn't pronounce his "R's" very well yet which makes the whole thing that much cuter!)

Me: "Well what do you think?"
(This is a favorite response of mine to questions because then I get to hear funny things...)

Little Boy: "I fink you ah not smaht."

Me: "Why do think I am not smart?"

Little Boy: "Cause I am so smaht! And you ah not."

Then today was another funny moment when it was time for show and tell. One little girl stood up during her turn to display a blue paper heart she had cut out. Then I asked her to tell us about her show and tell.....it was then things started to feel more like a testimony meeting than a show and tell;

Little Girl: "I got this heart because it is valentine's time. I know that valentine's time is special because it is a time you can show others that you love them."

I was just waiting for her to say that she also knows the Book of Mormon is true, maybe at the next show and tell....

Efficiency

I am all about efficiency.
When you can do more than one thing at a time....great!
When you can delegate something you don't really want to do....awesome!
When you can make the most of those 5 spare minutes....amazing!
When you can get your point across with a minimum of effort....spectacular!

But there is a point that even I have not gotten to yet...word combining. Today a little 3 year old in preschool taught me all about it:

"Look Miss Dawn! I am sitting Craplesauce!"

"Wow....that's great. You are sitting criss-cross applesauce."

"No. I am sitting craplesauce...it's easier."

How can I argue with that? I can't. Espeically with this little guy who also FIRMLY believes that his heart is located above his right ear and cannot be convinced otherwise. He even used the real stethescope to "listen" to it and when I asked what it sounded like he replied "Bum-Bum-Bum." (I had thought NOT hearing his heartbeat there would help to convince him...no luck.)

So from now on watch out for more efficiency from me.......

Barack Obama:

As Seen Through The Eyes of Preschoolers

My "Big-Kid Class" was all a buzz with conversation about our new President. I think they are mostly intrigued by his name....it sure does have a ring to it doesn't it? And what kid (or grow-up) wouldn't want to practice saying it a few hundred times? I swear I heard his name (or an attempt at saying his name) at least 50 times.

Here are a few of the comments they made:

RACHEL: "Well I saw him on TV cause he won. But my family didn't want him to."

NICK: "Was he the guy with the red tie or the blue tie?"

EVAN: "He is in charge of the whole country."

MICHELLE: (in response to evan) "No he is in charge of the whole world!"

EVAN: "No he's not....that's Jesus!"

JANET: "He's the nicest prophet ever."

Miss Dawn: "No....he's not the prophet. Barack Obama is the President of where we live...President Monson is the President of the Church."

JANET: "Well, which one is the more important President?"

Miss Dawn: "Ummm..."

KYLIE: "Duh....President Monson!!"

HDVRDD (My Disorder)

There are not many of you who know about the disorder I struggle with every single day of my life. I have never been great at sharing the hard things in life, but recently I have thought that perhaps my honesty and openness on the matter might be able to help others who are struggling with the same issues. So I will now say that I do in fact suffer from HDVRDD.

There are many symptoms associated with my disorder, and it seems (quite sadly) that I suffer from nearly all of them. These symptoms include:

*automatically reaching for the television remote every time a commercial comes on no matter what.

*having a strong feeling of anger (or even hatred) when the "viewing live TV" button appears on the television

*deliberately pausing live television just to be able to fast-forward through commercials later.

*a general, and overwhelming, need to record everything that looks even slightly interesting on the program guide.

*a giddy-ness followed by giggling when one realizes that they have actually NOT been viewing live television. Typically because one is excited that they will be able to fast-forward for anywhere from a few seconds to several minutes.

*an avoidance of all non-approved television sets

*feeling a strange sensation in one's "rewinding finger" every time that someone says something like "what did that character, or television personality just say?" or "what strange thing did I just see?"

*random throwing of non-approved remote controls, which can often result in the damage of property or other people.

*language additions that many people do not understand, including "I plan to dvr that!" or "will you please dvr that for me?" or "I dvr-ed it!"

So it is true....I suffer from "Hyperactive DVR Desire Disorder" (also known as HDVRDD). I am organizing a fund-raising event to fight this fast spreading disorder from ruining any more lives...I will keep you posted. Your love and support are greatly appreciated.

Resolutions?

The new year is here with all it's exciting promises of "new-ness" and "change." And to that I say "BLAH!" What is the deal with these resolutions anyway? Isn't all this just another way for society to stick it to me, to remind me of all the things that I am not doing that I should be doing? Yes. I think that is exactly what society and the new year are trying to do. Well guess what society and the new year....the joke is on you, because I already know that I am a slacker. Because of all this I have decided that setting challenging, and insightful resolutions is SO last year. These are MY new year's resolutions:

1. Drink caffiene.
2. Spend too much money on lip-gloss and nail polish.
3. Be a preschool teacher.

And by the way, I totally rock because it is only January 8th and I have already reached all of my goals. So now all of you get to feel terrible that I am SO accomplished and you have to wait months to be able to check off anything from your list.

Take that New Year!